Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Untitled 8/25/2008

Untitled. That seems to be my favorite word lately. For my stories, for my dinners, for my ideas, for my life. I love 'untitled'. There is so much freedom in that word. When is the last time I have been untitled? Not Khris' wife, not Joseph's mom (or Belle's or Gavin's or Caroline's), not Keltie's bartender, not Julie's friend with four kids. I like it. It gives me a little bit of ..... anonymity. A little bit of freedom to be something else.

I actually considered using "Untitled" as the name of this blog. I figured it gave me the flexibility to write about whatever came to mind. Right now I'm not exactly certain who I am or where I am going so I figured the title was appropriate. Recently, however, I had a short term lapse of moral judgement that ended up hurting two people I care for very much. In sharing this experience with a trusted friend, waiting for condemnation and criticism, I was given a beautiful and insightful bit of advice. It was "Do the next right thing".

I thought about those words over and over. So simple and yet so very strong. It seems like we spend so much time brooding over the past and beating ourselves up for something we have done. Maybe we skipped our workout or ate a piece of chocolate cake for breakfast. Maybe we had too much to drink last night and lost our temper with the children this morning before school. Maybe we discouraged our spouse or let down a friend. Every single day I make mistakes .... as a mother, as a wife, as a friend, as a child of God. I climb into bed at night thinking about how I could have done better. But all that really matters is that I do the next right thing.

So there it is. I am still 'untitled' and I choose to remain so, at least for the time being. I am trying to figure out who I am, exactly, and am not yet ready to commit to anything. I bring much to the table.....good mother, devoted wife, trusted friend, encouraged spirit. And I'm going to mess things up in each of those roles again. It doesn't matter, though, because I am determined to do the next right thing.

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